Dead and Breathing
by June2nd1992
Summary: 3 deaths turn Bella into a hollow body. With the help of Jasper, Emmett, Alice, and later on Rose; she might just find happiness again. But will it last, will she let herself be happy, and will she finally let herself really and truly love? Hiatus!
1. Chapter 1

**This is another story I worked on while my internet was down. Review please.**

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**Dead and Breathing**

**chapter 1**

Waking up, I remembered that I was in hell. How could one go on for days, when you loose those you love. It was frustrating to me, that I was still here, still breathing, with a beating heart, waiting for the day where my end would come. Was I a bad Christian for wanting death early? Was I asking for a death wish? Would I jinx myself and loose my life in some horrible way?

_Did I care?_

_._

_._

_No not really._

To me, nothing was worth it anymore. I could have all the money in the world and I couldn't careless on what to do with it. I was only here, breathing and living until it was my time to part the world. I wasn't stupid enough to go and fucken kill myself either. _They_ would never forgive me for that. I knew that I had to keep myself living with effort. That included going on with my miserable life, eating healthy, and pretending like I'm not dieing on the inside.

I threw my blankets off my body and swung my legs off the bed. The tile floor was freezing, and my fuzzy slippers were somewhere in my disorganized closet._ Jen told you to clean that mess up in the closet_, a small part of my mind though. Remembering and hearing my mind say her name, sent thousands of little prickle feelings to my heart. My hand automatically went to my chest, trying not to let the prickling feeling kill me.

So maybe I was over-exaggerating.

But so would you if you lost your whole life in on day.

Sighing, I got off my bed, letting the cold tile under my feet wake me up alive. I grabbed a towel from the rack by my bathroom door. I stepped into the shower and slowly stripped to nothing. My hand reached inside the shower and turned the water on to more hot then warm. I stepped inside, feeling the hot water burning my skin. But, it felt good. It almost made me forget for just one second that my day today would suck, just like the rest of my life. I looked to my left, finding my strawberry shampoo. I reached for it, and caught a glimpse of the reminder of what had happened just 2 weeks ago.

Just above my wrist was a hand print of a big hand. I gulped and touched it, getting a small flashback of the night my parents and sister died. The prickling feeling returned, but this time it was nearing more of a stabbing by this point.

_Run Bella Run._

_I love you Bella, I love you twin._

_Don't hurt her._

_Leave her alone._

Those were the last words I heard from all of them. And they were tattooed to my heart and mind. I stood there, letting the water hit my skin. Shaking my head lightly, I pushed those thoughts away until later tonight, where I was in the safety of my bed and allowed to cry myself to sleep. Not looking back at the mark on my wrist, I poured a handful of my strawberry shampoo. I took my time, washing and leathering my hair. I washed my body with the matching strawberry scented body wash.

_You always have to smell like a dam fruit_.

It came out of nowhere. A memory from Jen. She always made fun of my scent. She loved that I'd picked strawberry's, it was our favorite fruit, but she found it strange and yet amusing that I smelt like it too.

"Don't think about her. Don't think about them." I whispered to myself. I finished my shower and wrapped the towel securely around my body. I stepped out the shower, stepping on the tile floor.

"Fuck." I'd forgotten that the floor was cold. The feeling sent my whole body to suddenly feel cold. My wet hair was uncomfortably cold now. Small drops of water falling down my skin was making me shiver. Finally giving up, I opened my closet door and began to rummage through the mess. I caught sight of something green and fuzzy near the boxes and boxes of shoes. I reached for it and found one slipper. With a triumphant smile, I searched for the other. It didn't take me long to locate it. I slipped them on and though of where to look for something to wear today. I knew there was shopping bags at the corner of my room, waiting to be set away. But I hadn't gotten to it. If I were to put that away, it would give me a reminder of what had happened that night. But everything that was in my closet was scattered everywhere. The few things that were hanged up was just old things that didn't fit anymore. I'd meant to put those in a box and take them down to the salvation army, but I just never got to it. Everything else was just mixed with my dirty clothes.

"Suck it up Swan, you have to get going" I tried to encourage myself,_ tried _being the key word. With one deep breath, I walked over to the brand name shopping bangs. I kneeled down and reached for the Victoria secret first. My hand was shaky, remembering why I had bought this. Jen had made me. I felt a tear slip. My hand reached and whipped it away harshly. I was suddenly mad at myself for letting me get so emotional over just…_looking for something to wear!_

"fucken pussy." I hissed at myself. I took another deep breath and reached inside of it. I pulled out a bra quickly and then I knew I just had to do it. I dumped it on the floor and reached for the matching underwear. I didn't look back. I just turned my back on the bags and let my towel fall. I slipped into my bra and underwear quickly. I took another deep breath and reached for another bag. I got a quick glimpse of the name, _pacsun._ I dumped it and reached for any jeans. I didn't care what, just any. I kept doing this until I was fully clothed. But I didn't once hesitate to think on what to wear. I just wanted to get this over with. I grabbed some random shoes from my closet. I set them on the bathroom counter. I didn't let my mind wander. I just grabbed my toothbrush and got done with what I needed to do. After I was done making sure I was ready, I left down the stairs with my bag. It was empty. My heart felt heavy, the prickling feeling was back, with the stabbing feeling too. I knew I couldn't be here anymore. My body was trying to tell me I needed food, but I couldn't…eat here. I knew where to go. I grabbed the keys to my car and stormed out my house. My car was there waiting for me. Like it had been for the past 2 weeks that I've

been locked up in my room.

Driving to Emmett's house was faster then I expected it to be. I parked behind his car and felt grateful he was here. I walked inside his house, not bothering to knock. I never had to before, I didn't think I still did.

"Emmett." my voice sounded strained and almost to husky for it to be my voice. I knew it was because of all the crying and mourning. Emmett came out of the kitchen with a fork in his mouth. I gave him a half hearted smile. He quickly made his way to me, wrapping his arms around me. Emmett was my best friend. He was the only one that could make me feel like I wasn't going to die alone. Okay…what I'm trying to say is that he made me feel like…maybe in do time…I could somehow live through the lose.

"Bella. Honey your going back?" he asked, looking down into my eyes. I tried to push away the tears that wanted to slip and buried the sobs that wanted to escape.

"I just…I haven't been taking care of myself Em. I haven't ate in almost a week….all I do is cry…I…couldn't be in there anymore.""Did you eat this morning?" he asked. His eyes were narrowed at me, angry at me for not taking better care of myself.

"No. it was so empty…so alone…I just…I couldn't." I whispered. One single tear fell from my eye. Emmett sighed and kissed my forehead.

"Come on. I made breakfast." he said. His arm stayed on my shoulder as he walked us back to the kitchen. I found Jasper sitting on the kitchen counter. Remembering him made me realize that I wasn't so alone after all. Maybe…I'd make it through. Jasper was my other best friend. Before any of this, it had always been Jasper Emmett Jen and I. We were together every moment we could.

Jasper stood and tore me from Emmet's arms. I chuckled lightly at the small action and felt the prickling feeling in my heart reduce to just a small throbbing.

"Hey Darlin'. how do you feel?" he asked.

"Weak. Tired. Pissed. I could go on really. But their all negative feelings." he gave me a sad smile and nodded. If anyone knew how I felt, it would be this two. They cared about my family almost just as much as I did. Of course they didn't feel like their lives had ended, but they felt the heaviness in my heart.

"Jasper….Bells hasn't ate in a week." Emmett ratted me out,_ douche!_ Jasper looked down at me, the bridge between his eyes wrinkled up in dislike and anger. He was -in some ways- the big brother from our group. He bitched at each one of us when we did something careless, irresponsible, or just plane stupid. Emmett was the one that came up with this stupid ideas. I was the one that went along with it, just to prove Emmett that I was better then he was. And Jen had been in the back always laughing or recording our shenanigans.

"Isabella Marie Swan. Am I going to have to go over to your house every day and make sure you fucken swallow down food?" Jasper snapped at me. I frowned and looked at my feet. Jasper's tensed posture in front of me relaxed and wrapped his arms tighter around me."Sorry darlin. I'm just worried about you that' all. You have to take care of yourself.""I know Jazz. But…it's hard."

"We know. And we'll help." Emmett said behind us, putting a comforting hand on my shoulder. We all took a deep breath and turned back to the table. Jasper guided me towards the chair next to him. I sat down and saw Emmett placing food on a plate and setting it in front of me. Looking down, my stomach growled with anticipation for food. But my throat protested. I cut off a piece from the waffles in front of me and placed it in my mouth. I chewed, feeling my mouth dry. I tried to swallow it, but felt that knot still there. It was trying to push the food back up. Jasper and Emmett saw me struggling. He reached for his OJ and handed it too me. I took a drink and felt it go down with difficulty. I groaned and laid my head against the wall.

"This is harder then I though." I whispered."Just try okay." Emmett said. I took a deep breath and nodded.


	2. Chapter 2

**Dead and Breathing**

**Chapter 2**

We road to school together in my car. It was for my safety…_I guess_. They didn't want me driving while I was in _this condition_. Pair of over protective idiots if you ask me. I pulled my car up into my usual parking space, finding it empty and waiting for me as always. There was a crowed of students waiting by a bench…my bench…._our_ bench. They were waiting for us. I knew they were because no one was sitting on our spot. I took a deep breath and stepped out the car. Jasper came out with my bag on his shoulder, holding it for me. He wrapped his arm protectively over my shoulder while Emmett walked to my other side holding my hand with comfort. I took a deep and very necessary breath. The group of high school students smiled at seeing us making our way to them. Angela was at the front. She walked over to me with no words and just hugged me. It was sweet and I knew she was silently telling me that if I wanted to talk, she was there any time.

"Thanks." I whispered to her. She smiled and nodded, letting go. Jasper and I sat on the bench while Emmett stood next to us. I looked around and saw them all looking at me.

"So what's new?" I asked, like I'd only been gone for 2 days on a sick leave. It was then that I saw every guy we hung out with holding a red rose. I looked at Jason who was closest to me.

"We brought this for you. There just a small reminder that we're all here for you, and that we loved her too." I felt a tear fall as I took the red rose. Eric behind him moved towards me and handed me another one.

"No matter what Bella….your still important to us, and we don't want you to close yourself off. We don't want you to stop with your singing and music. So please…stay strong. We're all here for you." another tear fell. Mike went next. And…I knew that it wasn't his idea to start this. He just gave me a smile and the rose. Adrian was next. I knew _he _and Jason were the ones that came up with the idea. Maybe even Eric.

"Without a little pain, there's not happiness." I took his rose and nodded. Sam, Rick, Tommy, Anthony, and Kyle each gave me a hug and a rose. I smiled at each one of them and touched one of the roses."Guys…you don't know how much this means to me. Thank you. And…I'll try. But…be patient okay. This is all to hard for me."

"We just want you to be happy Bella. We all love you." Adrian said, putting a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Thanks." I whispered. The bell rang and I stood up. Jasper smiled at me and handed me my bag.

"Come on Darlin. You missed a lot of work. We're going to have to catch you up soon." he smirked. I rolled my eyes and followed him, keeping the red roses close to me. Emmett and Jasper walked me to my math class. We wouldn't be together until 3rd period. I hesitated to enter, looking inside the class, staring at my seat, and the seat behind it. Where Jen should be. I turned to Jasper and he saw the fear and hurt in my eyes."Hey…we'll be right here waiting when your out." He promised. He placed a soft kiss on my forehead. Emmett did the same and spanked my butt towards class. I rolled my eyes at him but smiled. I stepped inside and took my seat. It was harder then I though. My breath felt caught on my throat, and my heart was prickling pain again. I tried my best not to start sobbing right there. I faced the front of the class and waited for class to begin.

Slowly, students filled the room. Each one of them gave me a warm smile. But none of them made me feel the pain reduce, not even the flowers on my desk. After maybe 5 more minutes, the last bell rang. The announcements were said and then it was all quiet. Ms. Brook picked up our attendance sheet and began to call off the names by alphabetical order. It was teacher procedure, they all did it.

"….Kira Salmon"

"Here" the girl in front of me said.

"Isabella Swan." she called. I rose my hand lightly instead of saying here. She glanced at me and nodded. I didn't know why we had to do this, it was really pointless to me.

"Jennifer Swan." the pain was stronger. I wanted to punch Ms. Broke for calling her name. Was she stupid, did she forget that my fucken sister died. Or was this some cruel punishment for talking in her class for most of the year.

The room was silent, and I felt all eyes on me. I tried so hard not to just break out crying. Thankfully I didn't. Ms. Broke cleared her throat in embarrassment. _guess she did forget_, my mind thought.

"Steven West." She continued, the embarrassed blush on her cheeks still there. Class started after. The teacher didn't call me once for the answer. I wasn't sure if it was because she knew I didn't know it because I've been gone for 2 weeks, or if it was simply because she was trying to make up for saying Jen's name. I didn't care which one was true.

English went much the same. Mr. Brau had the balls to actually call out Jen's name too. I was starting to think that all my teachers were ganging up on me for being a total bitch during their classes. I was ready to thank god when the bell rang. Emmett and Jasper were there waiting for me like they had been last period. We walked together towards history class. We were silent, and I was glad. I didn't want to talk, I just wanted to get this dam day over with. Was it really so hard to have the day end simple and painless. I took my usual seat next to Em and in front of Jazz. The teacher began to call roll. I didn't think Ms. Meyer would be dumb enough to call Jen's name. I mean…she hated my guts, Emmett's and Jasper's too. But I didn't think she'd just make a mistake like that. She was to smart to make a mistake like that.

"Isabella Swan.""Here." I whispered tiredly. Emmett gave me a smile and I tried to smile back.

"Jen Swan." my smile froze in place. It was sort of a half sad smile now. I looked up and found Ms. Meyer looking down at the paper.

"Jen Swan." she repeated when there was no answer. My body felt hot, I was aware of the death glare I was giving her. She finally looked up, not meeting my eyes, just looking behind Emmett."Bella where's Jen?" she asked, turning to me. Suddenly, everything just exploded. I stood up and picked up my things, not able to stand it anymore."Dead Ms. Meyer. She's fucken dead." I snapped at her, slapping my hand on top of the folder she had been holding with our names on it. It fell on the floor and I didn't give a shit that I'd just earned myself suspension for disrespecting a teacher, oh and cussing too. I knew that everyone was staring after me, shocked at what I had just done. I mean it wasn't the first time I snapped at a teacher. It wasn't the first time I cussed at them either. But it was the first time I snapped and physically disrespect a teacher. I heard footsteps behind me, but I didn't bother to turn around to see who it was. I knew exactly who it was. I kicked the parking lot doors opened and pulled my keys from my pocket. My finger pressed on the unlock button from my keys repeatedly. I opened the door to get it when Emmett put his hand on my shoulder."You can't drive Bella. Here let me." he said. Jasper walked over to me and helped me in the back seat. Emmett drove us back to his place, knowing I couldn't be at mine right now. The rose's that the guys had given me were on the floor now, when I'd gotten inside and threw all my things inside the car. I reached over to pick them up, knowing they didn't deserve that. But sobs started to escape me, and it became hard to see through the tears. Jasper pushed me against the seat and picked them up for me. When Jasper was done, he wrapped his arms around and let me cry myself against his chest. My sobs turned into screams of pain, and my screams were turning soon into pleads for death. Jasper just kept on hugging me, letting me get it all out. And then I was angry. I was furious, seriously pissed the fuck off.

"HOW Could they leave me." I screamed against his chest. Jasper just nodded and kept rubbing his hand on my back.

"How can they think I can live with out them." I couldn't understand myself anymore. The sobs were so violent that it was hard to understand myself.

"It should have been me. Jen's so stupid. She shouldn't have pushed me out the way." I think that was what I was trying to say. By this time…I didn't know or care what I was trying to say.


	3. Chapter 3

**Dead and Breathing**

**Chapter 3**

I woke up to a throbbing pain on my head. I looked around and found myself on Emmett's bed. I sat up and turned around, the clock on his night stand said 5:48 pm. _Had I been asleep since I got here? _I sighed and got off the bed. I made my way down the stairs and heard voice's coming from the living room.

"It's only making it harder on her Em. Being here and going back to her house…" it was Jasper's voice. I stayed on the stairs, listening to what they said."What do you suggest?" Emmett asked.

"Move with her out of Forks. We can go with my cousin Edward."

"Move out? Not a half a bad idea." he joked. I made myself known, my feet walking a little louder down the rest of the steps. I turned the corner and found them sitting on the couch. Tv was off, all they were doing was just talking. I took a seat on Jasper's lap.

"Would you do that for me Jazz? I can't just ask you to leave like that." she whispered to him. Jasper chuckled and kissed the top of her head.

"Do you forget that my parents could careless about what I do with my life. I can just say that I knocked you up and we're moving to….Timbuktu and they wouldn't care." He said. I knew he was telling the truth. It was why he loved my parents so much. They opened their arms for him, letting him into our lives. Emmett had been the same thing too. Well his parents were around, but they just didn't pay attention to him.

"And you Em? Will they care?" I asked him. He rolled his eyes at me.

"I'm surprised they even think I'm living with them. Hell if I dyed my hair green they wouldn't recognize me." he was also right. They'd fit into my small family like they belonged. They were never out of place…they were perfect with us. And now…it was just us 3. Fresh tears fall at the small realization I made. Jasper hugged me and kissed my forehead."My cousin Edward lives in San Diego California. Remember those summers that I didn't spend with you guys?" he asked. I nodded, remembering he'd said that his parents were sending him off to someone else to take care of him.

"I was sent to my uncle Carlisle's and aunt Esme's house. Edward's a great cousin and all, and when they offered me to stay with them permanently, it wasn't enough for me to leave you guys."

"I'm glad." I whispered against his chest. He kissed the top of my head.

"So? What do you think?" Emmett asked. I looked at him and gave him a smile.

"I'm a go." he chuckled and nodded."That's great Bells. Don't worry. We'll have a blast living together.""Oh Hell." I muttered. "Please…at least don't leave your boxers all over the place." I begged. He laughed and rolled his eyes."We'll see." he joked.

One month passed since they day we decided on moving out. Jasper and Emmett helped me with everything. From selling my house to buying a new home, they helped me through it all. We packed up what we knew that I couldn't leave with out. I took all of the family pictures, the valuables, my mothers jewelry, my sister's things, my dad's fishing poles. I couldn't leave it behind. Of course it took a long time to get everything boxed up, wrapped, and packed on a moving van. It took us the whole month really. The rest like furniture and most of their clothes we left behind. Someone would be coming after I left to pack the rest up and send it to the salvation army.

So here I was standing in front of my parents grave. I promised myself that one way or another, when I was ready, I'd get that house in my possession. Maybe.

I looked down at Jen's gravestone. Her name was across the stone, written in a beautiful cursive penmanship. Emmett and Jasper were a few feet away, giving me a few minutes alone.

"I'm scared Jen. It hurts. I feel like half of me died with you. I don't know if I'm strong enough for this. Please….give me the courage to go on Jen. It hurts." I fell on my knees in front of her stone. My tears fell for my twin sister, my older twin sister.

"I'm a mess with out you Jenny." I cried, hugging the stone and feeling like she could hear me. I most likely felt lost my mind, because I could have sworn I felt her warm hand on my cheek. And I could have sworn that she spoke to me. The words 'I love you Ell' were floating around me. I felt warm all of a sudden, like a warm breeze was hugging me, making me stronger. I turned to my parents laying next to her. My mom was next to Jen. Rene Swan. I heard her voice in my mind, her soft voice singing me to sleep. I'd gotten my singing from her, she'd given me my voice. It was what tied us together. My mom.

"_and when you fall down, you stand back and fight, fight again. And you fight, fight all over….over…again." _her voice sang into my head. I kissed my mothers stone.

"I love you mom. Thank you…for…everything. I'm going to miss you momma." the air was still warm, but I was almost sure I got the scent of cinnamon, my mom's scent. I breathed in the scent and took a seat in front of my dad. Yeah, you guessed it…I was a daddy's girl. Everyone knew it. Not even Jen was that affectionate with dad like I'd been.

Charlie Swan. I was his daughter, you could see it in my face, my eyes, my smile, and you could see it in me. I acted like him, he gave me the strength to get back up on my feet each time I feel. He gave me everything.

"I'll try daddy. I'll try and make you proud. Some day….I'll see you again. But please…send me strenght. My heart aches with out you. With out Jen, mom, and you. I feel so alone sometimes. If Em and Jazz weren't there…I…don't know…what would happened to…me." I felt them behind me. I looked behind and found Emmett bending down to help me up. He wrapped his arms around me, facing my parents.

"Hey pops. Thanks for everything. You really showed me that I can be loved. You two mom. I have never felt loved before. You're the only and best parents I'll ever have. Jenny penny. You little squirt. I'm a little ticked your gone. But…I'll see you some day. Just wait for us will ya. Oh and don't get yourself into trouble…what am I talking about…you and trouble…I forget that's your sister." he smirked. Jasper laughed next to him. He reached for my hand and kissed it.

"We'll take care of her papa and momma bear. She's not alone. Not when she has us. I felt alone before…but you've given me the love of a parent…something my parents never bothered to give me. Thank you for that. Like Emmett said…you're the only and best parents anyone can have. Thank you for sharing that with us, for letting us in your family. I'll love you forever, and I'll remember you. We'll take care of Bells here. Keep her out trouble…at least I will while Emmett will get her in trouble." He teased and shot him a playful glare. Emmett grinned like a fool though. Jaspers face turned serious again as he turned to Jen's stone."Guess it's to late to tell you that I'm in love with you isn't it." he teased. I gave him a little squeeze, knowing that he'd kept it for so long and it was finally out.

"I was to much of a pansy to tell you though. Bella and Emmett knew…they saw it. Guess I missed my chance. I love you Jennifer. You'll always be my first crush, my first kiss, and my first love. No matter who else comes along the way, you'll hold a special place in my heart. I love you Jen. See you later. And…keep Bella safe up there. She misses her twin. I know you didn't mean to leave her…but…just watch out for her on what I can't will you. And send me a little warning when she's doing bad shenanigans." he smirked. Bella smiled and leaned into her brothers embrace. The air around them was warm and familiar. Bella wasn't the only one that felt it. It was almost as if they were there, hugging them, giving them a last goodbye. With a deep breath, Bella looked down at them.

"I love you…goodbye." she whispered into the air. The three walked back to the car, holding hands tightly. Bella glanced one last time out the window as Jasper drove away. She smiled, knowing that…things would be okay eventually. The pain in her heart would learn how to reduce, and she'd be happy…someday. She was happy know…but sometimes her pain came back. Some day…it wouldn't be back to disturb her happiness. But for right now…it was okay to say goodbye for now. To leave with a little peace of mind.


	4. Chapter 4

**Dead and Breathing**

**Chapter 4**

I looked around the neighborhood as we neared our new home. The whole place just screamed out 'money'. I knew I'd let Emmett and Jasper pick the house…but I didn't think they'd pick something like this. Not that it mattered. I was 18, everything my parents owned was passed down to me. And my mom being a famous singer, my dad being a novelist, and my grandparents investing money since they got married, that left me with a lot of money. Not to mention that the house at Forks was sold pretty high and pricey. Jasper pulled into a dark almost brown red house. It had a beautiful front lawn. The grass was green, with a small brick fence in the middle of the lawn. Inside the brick circle there was flowers. We got out the car and headed towards the front door. The door had some sort of lock around the handle. I didn't understand what it was until Jasper reached over and pressed number codes. I looked at him confused and he smiled."The retailer told me the codes. He said the keys would be inside." he said with a shrug. I nodded and saw him open the door. Seeing inside, the first thing that we saw were the wooden stairs. They laid towards the upstairs. To the left of the stairs was a small living room. There was a wall separating the living room though. We walked past it and found another living room with the kitchen in front of it. The kitchen was my dream kitchen. I had a feeling that Emmett and Jasper picked this house because of it. It was all black granite. Just how I liked it. I smiled and turned between the stairs and the kitchen. There was a hallway. We walked down the hall way and saw 4 doors. I opened one, it was an empty room. The next one was another empty room. The one next to it was a bathroom and the last one was the door towards the garage that could hold up to 4 cars. We went back to the living room and kitchen. There was a glass door. We could see the back yard perfectly from here. It was beautiful. I knew exactly what I wanted as I saw this yard."Can we get a dog….no two…maybe three. Huh? Can we?" I begged them. Emmett and Jasper looked at me grinning. Emmett kissed my forehead and nodded."What ever you want Bells. We can go tomorrow if you want." I nodded excitedly. Jasper cupped my cheek and kissed my nose. I giggled at the gesture.

"Go pick your room. You get which ever one you want.""Really?" I asked looking at them both. They nodded. I shrieked with joy and ran up the stairs. Emmett and Jasper laughed, walking behind me. I opened the first door I saw and knew this was my room. I could tell it was the master. It was a big empty space with a window on the front wall. To the right I saw another glass door that lead to a small balcony. In front of the balcony was the bathroom. The shower was glass but everything just looked beautiful. There was another door in front of the shower. I walked to it and found a walk in closet. It could have been half the size of the room. But I loved it. I smiled and turned to the guys grinning behind me. They knew.

"We'll go shopping tomorrow for your bed and things you'd like. Right now…I'm going to bring you a box up so you can shower. We're going to my aunt and uncle's house." Jasper said, ruffling my hair and leaving. I nodded and turned toward the shower. I turned it on to warm and stripped down. Emmett and Jasper had already left…but it didn't really matter. I'd gone skinny dipping with them before. Of course it should have been completely awkward. But there had been a time where I though I was in love with Emmett….so there was some sexual connection between us. That died when we started our senior year. We knew we'd be best friends forever, but that was it. Jasper came inside while I showered and left a box inside the room, pulled a towel out and left it by the sink, and pulled out my shampoo and body wash out. He gave them to me and turned to leave. I sighed and finished getting showered. Some how…I got the feeling this was almost a fresh start….a clean break.

When I got out the shower, I dressed in the nicest clothes I could find. Of course everything was nice, but I tried extra hard to make a good impression on Jasper's family. It didn't really matter though, since Emmett and I were his family. So I knew that no matter what, he wouldn't let anyone change his mind about who we were in his life.

I ended up with black skinny jeans, gray v neck, a black unbuttoned blazer, and black ankle boots. My hair was down in curls, drying quickly and turning into waves. I did no effort in make-up. I learned from Jen that I didn't need make up, that either way my blush would soon just make it unnoticed. They'd told me many times I didn't need it, that I was beautiful with out it. So wasn't so sure, but I trusted Emmett, Jasper, and Jen's comments. I walked out the door to find Emmett and Jasper both ready, showered, and dressed. Jasper wore black jeans with a baby blue button up with his sleeves rolled up and black vans. Emmett wore around the same thing except his shirt was white. We walked down the stairs and towards Jasper's car. He shook his head.

"It's just across the street Bella." so that was why he picked this neighborhood. I nodded and followed him. We crossed the street and headed 3 houses down. This house was almost like ours, just that this one was a light pink. Jasper reached for my hand, holding it tight and knocked on the front door. We didn't have to wait for long before someone opened the door. In front of us was a small pixie looking girl. She was around our age, but her height made her look adorable and younger. She had an oval face with a perfect button nose and green eyes. Her eyes were almost sparkling green. Her hair was short and spiked. It pocked out everywhere. It only added to my fairy image. She was beautiful.

"Hi. Can I help you." she asked. Her voice was high pitched, but pixie like.

"Hi. I'm Jasper, is my aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle here?""Oh. Your Jasper…they told me that their nephew would be here soon. Esme's out working and Carlisle went to buy the grocery's for her. Sorry, come inside. Edward's here." Jasper nodded and followed her. I walked behind him, holding his hand, but letting his back shield me from everyone. I was suddenly nervous about this. Jasper turned and gave me a smirk.

"Hey…don't worry. They'll love you." he promised. I nodded and turned behind me to Emmett. He winked at me and pinched my butt."EMMETT." I squealed, slapping his chest. He laughed and shrugged. We walked into a living room much like ours, just full with furniture and things. There was a guy sitting on the couch. He was beautiful beyond compare. He had a fit body, with wide shoulders, lean and tall. I could see from the way his shirt clung to him that he had muscles and great abs. His lips were rose red, and he had high cheek bones. But I think what caught my attention the most was the bronze sex hair and the emerald green eyes. He glanced at us and a breath taking smile spread on his lips. I gasped lightly and I knew Jasper and Emmett heard. A blush spread on my cheeks as I tried to look away. Emmett took me into his arms and leaned down to whisper into my ear.

"He might be Jasper's cousin, but he told me his bad news. You can't fall into him." he whispered to me. I frowned and nodded. He left his hands on my waist, letting Jasper and Edward meet. They hugged it out and slapped each other on the back."Jasper. It's been a while man. Aren't you all grown up. Puberty hit you pretty good didn't it." He joked. Jasper rolled his eyes and turned to us. He reached for my hand and I took his. He pulled me to his side, letting Emmett keep one arm around my waist. The green eyed god turned to me. A smirk replaced his friendly smile. He looked me up and down. From what I've heard from Adrian and Jason…I was something good to look at. What ever they meant by that. But seeing Edward…I saw he had the same look that I'd seen millions of times from Adrian, Jason, Mike, and even Emmett before. He took a longer time staring at my face.

"So who's this?" Edward asked. The smirk had spread on his voice. I swear I wanted to kiss him there and just make him say my name over and over again. Emmett saw this and squeezed my side. I turned to him and giggled. He rolled his eyes and kissed my forehead. _He did it on purpose!_ I knew he did. He didn't care that Edward could make up his own little story of who I was, he didn't care that Edward would think I was either with Jasper or him. He just wanted the kid away from me. I saw it in his eyes."This is Bella and Emmett." Jasper introduced us. I smiled at him.

"Hi."

"Hey." he smirked. I was aware of the awkward silence I felt around me from the look Edward was giving me. After a while, I turned towards the pixie that was observing us.

"Hi." I waved at her. She giggled and waved back."I'm Alice, Edward's best friend.""I'm Bella, Emmett and Jasper's best friend." I took the hand she offered and shook it. Edward heard this."Best friend?" he asked turning to Jasper.

"We grew up together. Me, Emmett, Bells. And…." he stayed quiet thinking of Jen. I looked away and at Emmett. He knew the pain that was pricking at my heart. He wrapped his arm around me and pressed me against his chest. I tried to hold the tears and stay strong. With a deep breath and turned back to Jasper and the others.

"We grew up together since we were in diapers. And now we're just stuck like a family." I chimed, hugging Jasper's waist. He smiled and kissed the top of my head.

"I didn't know you had a girl that meant to you that much." Edward said, frowning when he guessed I was with him. I rolled my eyes and elbowed Jasper to tell him the truth."We're not together Edward." Jasper said, narrowing his eyes at me, warning me to stay away. I gave him a silent nodded with my eyes and he smiled, turning to him.

"Emmett and Bella had a thing back in junior year, to see if there was something there. But they knew there wasn't. aside of that…she's just really important to us. We love her, but that's as far as it goes with our girl. Always the center of attention. You spoiled brat." he teased me. I rolled my eyes and shrugged."It's not my fault I'm the young one. Mom just had me 2 minutes later." I joked. He chuckled and rolled his eyes."2 minutes later? What do you mean?" Alice asked.

"From…my twin." I gulped. Jasper hugged me tight, giving me courage.

"Twin? Where is she at?" Edward asked. I felt a lot of pain coming back to me slowly. I turned and left out the door. I needed fresh air before I broke down. I stood outside, feeling the cool breeze hitting my face. Emmett was standing behind."Still hurts huh punk?" he asked, holding my hand."I feel like this pain just doesn't go away." I whispered."It will…slowly. Well it'll always be there, just…it won't be the strongest thing you feel Bella."

"I just….I feel like part of my is missing Em. Like Jen, mom, and dad took a piece of my with them. And I can't find it."

"We will. But it's going to take time. Some days you'll feel like hell, some you'll be happy with joy, and some days you'll feel like your life is a waist of time. But through every day, Jazz and I are going to be there for you. No matter what." he whispered and placed a sweet kiss on my lips. It meant nothing more then just affectionate. I sighed and kissed Emmett's cheek.

"You and Jazz are the best friends any girl would be lucky to have." I whispered. "your going to make a girl very happy when you marry her."


	5. Chapter 5

**Dead and Breathing**

**Chapter 5**

I sat next to Jasper, listening to him catch up with his cousin. Emmett was sitting to my other side, playing with my hair. Something he did out of comfort. I could also see Edward looking at me when he though Jasper wasn't looking at him. Jasper most defiantly saw the looks. And he was not liking them. I always knew Em and Jazz were protective of me, and I appreciated. This time though, I wasn't so sure if I wanted to appreciate it. I mean…he was absolutely gorgeous. _And? It's not like your going to go and fucken have sex with him. You know better then to have sex with total stranger._ the more responsible side of me said. 'Responsible' wouldn't be the word I would use though, more like the only part of me that wasn't trying to get into trouble.

"…so your going to school?" Alice had asked Jasper after some conversation they had. I was to engrossed on my own thoughts to pay attention to anything they were talking about.

"Yeah. We're planning on signing up soon." Jasper said, looking down at me. I didn't answer back. I just kept my eyes on everything and didn't speak. I wanted this alone time to myself, to think of everything and anything.

"What grade are you in?" she asked. Jasper gave her a warm smile and I was almost sure I saw his eyes…sparkle? I hadn't seen that look since well…Jen. At first I was almost angry that Jasper could be attracted to someone that wasn't my sister. After all, she'd only been dead for a month and 2 weeks. Then I remembered that Jasper wasn't stupid. He didn't fall for the stupid bimboos from Forks high. He fell for the right girls. And the last thing that made me realize it was okay for Jasper to like Alice was that Jen wouldn't want him stuck on her forever. She'd want Jasper to remember her, but to move on. Even if it was a short time.

"Seniors. All three of us." he grinned down at me. I gave him a warm smile and turned to look around again."Who's oldest? And who's younger?" Edward asked, his eyes on me again. Jasper cleared his throat, as if to grab his attention. To me it sounded more of a 'get your eyes off my best friends boobs before I make you look away' kind of cough.

"Emmett's older then me by 2 months. And Bella's younger by 6 months." he smirked. I rolled my eyes."She's the baby in our family." Emmett grinned next to me, tickling my side. I laughed and slapped his hands away. "Stop being such a kid you big idiot." I joked. He smirked and shrugged, pulling me closer to him."Isn't it weird, to be the only girl in the group?" Alice asked, eyeing me closely. I had a feeling she was trying to see if I was a threat to her, if she had a chance with Jasper, and what kind of real relationship I had with my guys. I also tried not to tell her that I hadn't always been the only girl, that would just bring up to many questions that would hurt me.

"Nah. I get use to it after a while. Sure Emmett and Jasper talk about how big Kim Kardashin's boobs are in front of me. But I could careless now. Beside's, I just talk about what a killer rag I get and how bad my cramps are. I also make them go buy me Midol and tampons." I smirked at them. Emmett rolled his eyes while Jasper blushed.

"Whipped." Edward smirked. Jasper rolled his eyes at him.

"We're best friends Edward. Get that in your head. Bella, Emmett, and I are just best friends. And we'd do anything for Bella. Even if everyone starts to questions my private parts when I buy the dam tampons. I don't know why you always have to run out when I'm around." he muttered at me. I just smirked and winked at him."Maybe I plan it that way." I joked. He glared at me, knowing that knowing me…I would plan it that way.

"It's just hard to grasp on that you three live together, grew up together, and there's no chemistry there. I could almost say that Bella's perfect for either one of you." Alice said, frowning at the though that I could be competition to her.

"Jasper and Em aren't my type." I joked. Emmett snorted while Jasper laughed."Yeah that's why you and Em would sneak out to do who knows what." It was my turn to blush. I shook my head and elbowed Emmett's rib when he laughed at my blush."We didn't do anything….okay well we were just exploring our relationship. Turns out the big goof is just my best friend. Now shut up Jasper." he just smirked.

"Explored? Explored what exactly?" he asked, narrowing his eyes at us. My blush only turned darker while Emmett was grinning.

"I swear you answer that question Emmett and I will personally make sure that your little swimmers will be sore for months." I threatened him. He cupped his sack and looked at me in shock. I smirked when I knew that Jasper wouldn't get a word out of him. That only made him more determined though. He narrowed his eyes at the two of us, studying us closely. Then he smirked. I knew by his smirk that he knew exactly how far our exploring had taken us.

"We're going to talk about this later." he said pocking my boob.

"Ouch…watch it, I'm sore." I muttered slapping his hand away. He smirked and turned back to Edward.

"See, three best friends. Right Bells.""Fucken idiot." I muttered under my breath and rolled my eyes. Jasper and Emmett laughed. I could see them enjoying Edward's doubt. He still had a feeling that I was together with one of them. I rolled my eyes at him."Dude. Okay so maybe Em and I have sex once and a while. But I'm not going out with none of them." I blurted out to him. Jasper smirked at my little out burst. He knew he'd been right early about Em and my exploration. While Em next to me had a shit eating grin. Alice looked almost shocked, and so did Edward.

"What?" he asked, looking at me like I'd just told him I had 3 heads. I rolled my eyes and shrugged."I said Em and I have sex here and then…but we aren't together. Same with Jazz.""But how…I mean…if you have sex wouldn't there be some kind of emotions there somewhere?" Alice was the one to ask. Emmett grinned and shook his head."Bella doesn't trust anyone else…and neither do I. So when either one of us is horny….it's a win win situation." he grinned. I rolled my eyes and slapped the back of his head. He just laughed. Jasper narrowed his eyes, but a smirk was on his face. He was enjoying our answers."I knew it. I always knew it. I mean when you ditched Jen and I to do things together…we though something was up. But we didn't actually think you two were going at it. We just though you wanted to ditch us or something. This is awesome. I get to tease the hell out of you." he laughed. I smirked when I remembered a way to shut him up.

"Jasper." I called him. He rose an eyebrow.

"You know…Em and I are still having sex." I smirked."And?" he asked confused to my statement."We live together Jazz. Your going to hear shit that's going to make your ears bleed if you don't shut the fuck up already." I threatened darkly with an evil smirk on my face. He glared at me while Emmett laughed next to me. I turned back to Alice and Edward who were looking at us with wide eyes.

"Sorry TMI?" I asked.

"No. just shocked I guess. I mean…I've never seen 3 best friends so chill about this." Alice said. I shrugged with a smile on my face."Our friendship is weird as hell." I told them. Just then we heard a car pull up. Jasper and I turned around to look behind Emmett. The door opened and a tall lean man came in. He was dressed in blue scrubs and holding paper bags with groceries inside of them."Uncle Carlisle." Jasper called out, walking over to him and help him with his bags."Jasper. I knew you'd be here by now. It's great to see you son. About time too." he smirked. Jasper chuckled and set the bags on the counter by the kitchen.

"Yeah well you know me…to busy in school." he joked. Carlisle laughed and nodded.

We spent the rest of the day at the Cullen's house. Carlisle and Esme were great. They were really nice and made me feel a little warm. I could see why Jasper loved them so much. But being near them…it sort of…it made my heart ache. I had a feel Jasper had told them what had happened to my family, or maybe just the short version, because they didn't once ask me about my parents. After dinner, Em and I could see that Jazz wanted to catch up with Edward. We stood up from the couch we were sitting at and looked at Jazz.

"We're going to head back. Stay here and catch up." Emmett said. Carlisle and Esme were in their office, Alice had left a few minutes ago, and Edward was still here sitting next to Jasper.

"Yeah okay." he said. He stood up and kissed my forehead.

"Night Bells.""Night Jazz. Nice meeting you Edward." I didn't glance at him. I was afraid of drooling in front of him."You to Bella." his voice was dripping with sex. I could see Jasper glaring at him. Em and I turned and left out the door. We walked together into the house. Before we'd left the house, Jasper and Em had brought a few boxes inside from the moving truck. I walked over to the kitchen and found the box I was looking for. I opened it and took out what I was looking for. I smirked and looked at Emmett. He smirked when he saw the bottle in my hand.

"Bella." he warned. But I could see that he wanted to just as much as I did.

"Oh come on. What's it been like 6 months?"

"Yes but…Jasper's going to kill us."

"His not coming home tonight. I'm almost sure of it. Come on Em. We'll even lock the room. He'll most likely think we're naked." he smirked and nodded. We grabbed blankets from the box that said _bed_. We went up to my room and locked the door. Em and I settled outside on the balcony. We sat outside looking at the dark night. The stars were brighter here. It was so beautiful out here.


	6. Hiatus! Sorry guys

Sorry guys, but I can't continue with Champ's daughter && Dead and Breathing. I feel no inspiration for the two stories. I make no promises on a return, but I do ask that you go check out my other stories. I like this better and I will continue them. I know I've been gone for a long time, but I've been having technical difficulties, No Lie! Seriously though, I'm sure you'll all love my other stories. Their pretty good. I myself like them. Thanks for following along, and sorry about the Hiatus.


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